[俺様症候群] Ore-sama Syndrome

Greetings,

So it seems I failed both 2009 and 2010's resolutions. Mind you, for health reasons both my body and and mind have been nowhere near par for course. Since NaNoWriMo (which I failed at 30000 story words and 5000 roleplay words) my mind has been an utter blank; only now have I been able to put a few words together in some sort of coherency. With the help of actual writing mixed with some sort of daily journaling, I hope that I can get back to the joys of writing, both porny and no. (Ha, when was the last time I wrote smut, 2008? I am behind on writing fads.)

Thus I come back to you all bearing paltry gifts. Do you remember this old game back when - it was called Final Fantasy XII?

title: Makes Perfect
fandom: Final Fantasy XII
word count: 677
written: 2 August 2010
notes: I do not advise wearing full armor and exerting oneself in the middle of the day. Basch is a silly, yet practical man; he must have them skirmish then cool down. Or something like that. No spoilers - hell, this could be anytime, anyplace excepting the end.


( Makes Perfect )

First, I had been thinking, not writing. Today is the end of the third of the month, and nothing. Bad start, but then again, the first of the month covered some chaotic god(s)'s demands, surely.

The following two rules deal directly with the first - to an extent. I finally broke down and wrote something of a fan-based nature, which shall be following this beginning bit. I wrote for Persona 4 - a hilarious game (if you liked the previous installment, do give this one a try!) with a large amount of new game aspects. However, the game is unfinished, currently sitting in September of my first play.

I tend to not write anything until I have finished the game/manga/book/etc so I can see how characters work.

These few hundred words are also referring to a scene in the game I have not even started yet, and probably will not touch until the second play: another thing I try very hard not to do. (YouTube, my bane and my joy, I have to thank you for finding the clips, but stop distracting me.)

That being said, I shall put the writing behind a cut, then get myself reacquainted with thicker writing tools... and a surprising blast from my past.


title: Temper, Temper
fandom: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4
written: 3 Jan 2009
notes: ... Warnings for part time jobs and the fourth target? (I must say, I write Souji much nicer than I do Minato.)

( Temper, Temper. )

Yes, still shaky writing, but at least something came out of my mind. I am thankful.

More of the previous continued today, even though I covered a 'mere' five hour shift. (Who else experiences time dilations on busy days?) Started losing my voice to the point where I started having a coughing fit - thankfully the manager got a glass of water for me, which disappeared quickly.

So, upon returning home - after facing the bitter cold and a none too impressive 'reuben' - I discover this tiny white cube sitting at my table. Not expecting anything, I automatically assume it is from a parent... and then I see the city of the return address. Kingston.

A Christmas/thank-you gift from one of my friends abroad, who I have not talked with in roughly two weeks due to early nights.

I never would have thought seeing such a simple gesture would have made such a rough day seem pleasant. It feels good, and I... I feel better.


Of course, since I wanted to spring on them and virtually squeeze the air out of them with a pleased hug, neither her nor her brother is online; as for emailing, I still cannot move past incoherent sounds of joy and pleasure.

Perhaps it is because it is a later night than what has been normal for the last two weeks. I really cannot wait until Christmas has come and gone.

So, off to drink chamomile tea and attempt to 'pen' an email which will not horribly embarrass me. (I doubt I shall succeed!)

November aspired to kill me emotionally, due in most part to National Novel Writing Month and its ego-slaying word counter (to which I lost most splendidly, the word counter cutting a few hundred words from my already meagre offerings).

December, however, is very successfully killing me in as many ways possible: doing at least twice the work for very low pay, on top of the abuse suffered from coworkers and customers alike; poor sleep and sickness with a very tangible edge of hysteria-slash-depression coming in; and, as always, my overpriced insurance eating away at least half of my monthly earnings.

So, to 2008 I say in what I assure you is the most heartfelt way: go fuck yourself. I do apologise for the bluntness and/or crudeness if it offends, but I am not sorry for my statement. This has been a rather rough year with very little I can in any certainty call victories. This year has made me despise absolutely everything, starting from me and working my way outwards; nothing has been sacred - my friends (what few I believe myself to still have), my family, my hometown, my passion for language, my decision six-odd years ago to enter my degree area (for I threw myself into Japanese with an open heart, but an empty head), and myriad other things pertaining to myself which does not require writing.

Thus, I look towards 2009 with a desperation I have not felt so strongly in years... and yearn to plan. I do not think I can afford to return to school (even though grad school would help me develop my translation, I am unable to afford it at this time), though that is always something I keep considering. There is also the option of teaching English abroad, which is still intimidating.


Despite this maelstrom of uncertainty, there are things I do know for certain. Few they may be, but this is a start, and hopefully the start of more and more things coming to light.

-Find a new job. (Almost any will do right now, though a desk job is much preferable for my body's well-being. I have... at least two places I will apply to as soon as I can alter my resume for something not of my expertise.)
-Throw up a translation page. (Which requires me to sort my manga/doujinshi by category/status of licensing and thoroughly curse my not buying any actual novels when I was abroad. Although, I do have my DVDs... I think those have not been translated yet.)
-Find better insurance. (As of this month, if I recall, it will have been ten years since I finished treatment for my cancer, and I shall no longer be treated like a potential danger to any insurance company to which I apply. The devil, as they say, is in the details, and now I must determine what I require - and what will not bankrupt me.)
-Lose weight/get in shape. (Completely cliche, I realise, but this one is somewhat sound in judgment, so it is further down the line. If I get a new job, it will [hopefully] pay me more, so I can buy better foods, like fruits and lean meats. Said new job will [most definitely] be less stressing and taxing on my system, so any stress-related illnesses I have will either go away or ease up enough for me to work out.)


And, perhaps I can get this journal back to its original intent: updates daily, of word or picture or jovial recounting of the day. I hope to do at least 500-1000 words a day (since I have done at least that during NaNoWriMo - and look at the word count for this entry!), and hopefully a page of doodles and drawing exercises (which I will probably spare you). 2009 will be the year I finish Simulacrum.

There are many other things I would like to do or consider, but those will take time. And for me to not multitask, which I have already attempted to do.


If your 2008 has been less than satisfactory, then let us both achieve a better 2009.

I am currently (after a long period away, I apologise) writing from the PC side of my Macbook Pro.

Is anyone else having problems with using the internet when on the OS? If I know the URL, things load with no problems (hence my post), but anything else... I can't search on Google - or any other search engine for that matter, and I apparently cannot get to GMail. So far, I've been doing direct URLs and link-hopping, but this is a real thorn in my side.

The PC was supposed to be for fun (I've got games and what not; Mac is for all the 'big kid' stuff), and now it is just a chore. I would really hate to scrap the partition and start anew, especially since I don't know how Give Away of the Day's programs will respond to that.

I shall have to see what else I can uninstall which might be bogging things down. Always fun, that.

edited 9.16 pm: Back on the Mac side, after letting it stew during work. Went and got a few free downloadable programs, ran them each twice, and now it behaves... I will just have to do that every time I turn on the PC, I guess.

title: Five Loves of Vaan which Never Transpire (and One which Should Have)
author: Ore-sama, who, despite the story, actually DOES like the kid
written: first thought out in the shower, laid out barebones, then written late hours of 27 August 2008. Basch written 28 August. FINALLY finished 3 September, because people are a pain in the ass sometimes, even when they are fictional (and I'm looking at you, Balthier).
word count: 994
notes: I... honestly have no idea why this piece came into being; I do know, however, that Balthier and Basch both caused quite some problems as I had Vaan and Penelo all but drooling over the fallen captain.

Poor Vaan. He needs nice things, too; his own game denied him growth. Perhaps he could whisper in my ear something suitable.


( Five Loves of Vaan which Never Transpire )

Posted here first, because I feel like it.

title: 1200 words about a Party in Ivalice
author: Ore-sama da ze!
written: early morning and late night 7 Aug 2008 for first 400, 8 Aug for next 300, lost a day and a half to LEVELING UP (and plotting, I guess, and yelling at Balthier). Finished 10 Aug 2008.
word count: 1200, duh
notes: I blame FFXII for being so much fun. And gorging myself, so to speak, on rather lovely FFXII fanfiction. And the first one hundred is totally Mr Eliot's fault.

While it can be read out of order, what I have here flows nicely, so there.



( 1200 words about a Party in Ivalice. )

Lilith is my junior Turc, Driver of Many of TenRai's Shiny Toys, in a roleplaying game my friends run (if you believe I have spelt those incorrectly, then you are thinking in a similar direction we all are)... but this is just a lead-in.

I was given one of these today. Cheap, yet charming, though unless you are used to radio-controlled in three dimensions... a bit aggravating.



And, yes, I am thinking of repainting it so it resembles a ShinRa helicopter!

This is the part wherein the Bastard starts making rather pointless complaints about sketching. Pay no mind, really: this is more or less an excuse to write more in this charming journal... and also a bit of procrastination (see last entry).

I attempted sketching again - something I am guilty of doing from time to time - and, once again, utterly failed at the female figure. Just for a sort of amusement, I tried some flavour of male... and it came out markedly somewhat better.

(Of course, from there I did two quick and sloppy landscapes which probably came out the best. Of course...)



As for the previous pondering upon audience attachment, I shall continue what I was previously doing and see what one of my friends - really, the only one who has been encouraging in this endeavour - thinks about it. And hopefully he really is in China, so he cannot throttle me for various things.


One more oddball query: how do you out there, reading this, sit before the computer? My back has been in agony for the last four days, and I am desperately trying to find new ways to be at my laptop... even if it means writing on my stomach.

I sit here, Simulacrum in its various long-hand incarnations scattered about me as it slowly wends its way further into my heart - one that is hurting devastatingly due to an alternate universe fanfiction of all things - and the only thing that comes to mind is:

Should I be spending the time creating audience attachment to characters?

A rather nucleic family: two parents, two children. Our protagonist, the younger son who cannot help basking in the utter glory of his heroic father, his mother who is like a god on earth, and his sister who not-so-quietly follows in their footsteps as he strives to be anywhere close to them all.

Utter adoration, even though training tells him his father is unpolished and unsteady when not behind a sword. Even though his mother is only truly his mother when the sun has set and there is no-one to see. Even though his sister has captivated all who lay eyes on her, stealing his chances at success with each breath.

My heart still aches, and I no longer know the true reason. Perhaps I can travel this path some more, show the world how this royal family interacts, and the ending result will change once again. (I, for one, am relieved to know the end of my story now differs a great deal than was originally intended.)

The fluff type-up was spurred on from me typing up a Kazushi/Minamoto shower scene (which, yes, will be uploaded later), which stemmed from porn.

In other words, this is the Bastard saying that porn_battle is, in fact, going on until Wednesday! For some reason, the 'odder' prompts are giving me ideas - but none for porn, per se.

You see, they are asking for some long-term writing, something much longer than a journal reply or three. (I am looking at you, four-parter!) Why, oh why, must my brain demand a big setup before the smut this time around? The list of prompts I like is quite large, indeed... I must convince my screaming head to come up with something.

Arg. Need to sleep, so I can write in the morning. Or something.

title: Vinculum
author: ... at this time, I was probably merely known as Ten.
fandom: Kingdom Hearts II
written: Aha, I HAD written it down. 20 Sept 2006, in roughly two hours. Now, almost two years later - 16 June 2008 - a typed copy.
word count: 1343.
notes: Finally! Typed up, because I thought I already had. Damn it all. Though, you would be amused to see all of the doodling I did on the side of a pseudo-mathematical nature, along with classes in which certain characters would do well.

Now, from the post-story notes on the page: "Hot fucking damn. OT3 fluff, and it started simultaneously with Sora trying to divide five by three and Sora making paopu shakes. Aw, Sora - he's so pleasantly slow, but can shock the fuck out of everyone. Post KHII, spoilerless. And nod cursing. I'm shocked."


( Vinculum )

Off to Chicagoland for Anime Central. Come by the panels, say hullo, listen. Or go blow your money at the dealer's room, whichever.

For those who are not going, I leave some Persona 3 fiction snippets. (I had no idea how popular gangster alternate universes were...)

Be warned, readers, I did Americanise their names... but I might end up changing that at a later date, we shall see. Also, if names and such do not make sense (which I hope they would, I did try very hard), do let me know. They ought to make themselves clear in time.

( The End's the Beginning )

( I Want In )

Not five minutes ago, I saw off an old, dear friend from high school. There were three of us, and we had dubbed ourselves the Marauders (yes, the same, back when the fandom used it, but was not too sure the term was canonical), which was how close we were during those years. Much insanity ensued, and with each problem, we had gotten somehow closer.

Then we started going off to university, Prongs before I before Moony. Even though us older ones can become hermity, we are often good about picking up where we left off; the relationship between Moony and I... pre-PoA contact, perhaps, though civil.

Well, I appear to be rambling again, even after all of this time away from the journal. I did do some sort of writing, but it is for Digital Devil Saga, nothing original. Alas.

My real point is for me to be on the computer so I can write a list of my video games for Prongs. The things I have... It amuses me so.

Oddly enough, I believe that due to this silly show, you might just find me walking along rubbing the thumb on my right hand across my index and middle fingers; if you had access to my mind, you might just hear, ”僕に。。。つられてみる？”

Curse you, Urataros.

And while I am on the topic of cursing fictional characters, I would like to continue by cursing Vincent and Cloud. For that 'date' not-challenge I was given... trying to keep it like the game itself is getting difficult; perhaps I have gotten (in my head, thus far) a way to deal with the play part of the 'date'... but what possibly could Vincent talk to Cloud about during the gondola scene?

Maybe that, too, I have figured out. I will have to remember to write it down so I can pass it on to a couple of people to see how it reads.

And then I need to get back to Simulacrum! I have not touched my dear project in quite some time - I guess I am still having troubles figuring out how--



I see I had completely forgotten to finish my sentence as I am now trying to look up information about tactical driving on a motorcycle, and wondering if I can adapt from a car to some extent.

All this, and I should really be getting to sleep, even though I long to write and draw and watch more of this silly, addictive television show.

Curses.

My entries from the battle. After this, I have a self-given challenge (more or less, a commenter actually suggested the idea) featuring Vincent, Cloud, and the Gold Saucer.


title: You Cannot Choose but to Lose Control
author: Ore-sama, the one and only Bastard
fandom: Final Fantasy VII
written: first bit, on the floor, early afternoon 5 April 2008; the rest, by 2.40 am 6 February 2008.
word count: 689, but that was not what I was counting...
notes: This was written for InsaneJournal's one and only Porn Battle. The prompt: Final Fantasy VII, Chaos/Vincent, claiming. Yes, the last Limit Break he gets. A bit more than what they asked for, and perhaps a bit lacking, too. I did receive positive comments, so I am happy they enjoyed. My first fic submission where porn is involved (though I am no stranger to smut).

( You Cannot Choose but to Lose Control )

title: Off Balance
author: the Bastard, number two of the day
fandom: Final Fantasy VII
written: 6 April 2008
word count: 272, quite safe within the character limit
notes: Porn Battle prompt: Vincent/Cloud, awkward limbs.

( Off Balance )

title: And She Wasn't Saying No
author: The Bastard, on a roll
fandom: Digital Devil Saga: Avatar Tuner
written: the first... half or so in the early hours of 6 April 2008, with the rest, and last-minute fixes before 5.00 pm on the same day
word count: 1023 words, 5561 characters
notes: Second submission for Porn Battle, the prompt: Digital Devil Saga, Sera, Heat, a fleeting immortality. Completely failed the challenge of writing it so it fit within one comment box (4300 characters), but I am still content.

( And She Wasn't Saying No )


And now, for some others I had on my drive that you may or may not have seen.

Title: Get Away
Author: a rather rusty Smut Alchemist
Fandom: Hagane no Renkinjutsushi/Fullmetal Alchemist
Written: 7 January 2008, ending about 3 am
Word count: 1239
Notes: Yep, back to the RoyEd-zuki odai. This one is... heh, I haven't even picked it yet. Really, I blame good smutty fanfiction, NEWS' "I-ZA-NA-I-ZU-KI" and my own need to write. Mostly number two there. DAMN.

Okay, so it's number 15: tameiki/sigh. [grins] I will warn of frot, so as to be nice.

( Get Away )

Title: You can Keep Your Hat on
Author: Smutty Mcsmutsmut
Fandom: Magic Kaito
Written: 11 January 2008 by 11.40 pm
Word count: 815. Damn, a bit shorter when there is only one person playing...
Notes: Gods, what is with me and writing smut for my writing exercises? (Not really complaining, mind.) Let's see... fantasies/illusions of grandeur, humiliation, masturbation, cosplay (?)

Mind, I was originally wondering if I should add any other goodies to that list, like voyeurism/exhibitionism or questionable consent - as if someone had forced him to do this. Ah, well.

(I wonder if this would fit a theme?)

( You can Keep Your Hat on )

Whew, porn_battle Round Three is over! まいどあり〜 Here is a master list of fiction for you.

Fans from all corners of the internet have gathered and provided us with 218 pieces of fiction and art, from video games to anime to real person fiction to cereal mascots (I am not kidding, it was Count Chocula/Cap'n Crunch - I had to see this) and everything in between.

I ended up with three, and you can find them on the list by my InsaneJournal name. A wonderful first fic submission community, such lovely people and submissions.

(I now find it necessary to find my Vincent Valentine icons, for the sheer amount of fiction I will be working with - I have missed the demon-plagued man.)

Later on tonight, I shall make a fiction posting of my own work, if you do not want to wade through all of the goods.



Also, if you will be attending Anime Central, myself and my friend Touma will be presenting TWO panels: reprising our living/teaching in Japan panel, and one on Aoyama Gosho (Conan, Magic Kaito - we shall be leaving Yaiba out since the first two intertwine and demand so much of our attention). On the forums, we are asking people questions/opinions so we can make a more tailor-made panel, instead of throwing information at you all. Do go hunt us down!

porn_battle Round Three is coming to a close tonight. Please, fellows all, if you find your fan kingdom dear, explore the prompts and posts and leave a token of affection of your own.

(Especially for the second half of the alphabet, the poor list! Thee pages of comments to the five which numbers and A-M command.)

I have two thus far. How about you?

Hullo, Bean.

... but I fear my body does not wish for me to have that kind of grace period, due to my doctor prescribing Mag Cit last night. (Side note: I am starting to get tired of taking the medical equivalent of Drain-O.)

I will leave you with this bit of amusement from the other day, for it still brings a smile to my lips. The aide (I do believe, since she did not offer her name) - tiny (maybe a foot shorter than I), heart on her sleeve, utterly adorable, lovely Chilean accent - I am glad we got introduced, such as we did...

You see, when she went to take my blood pressure I was sitting in a chair and not on the examination table. (Easier for her, I assume, and I never mind the non-patient status.) She propped my arm up so she could check so that my wrist rested upon her hip. I spent that surreal amount of time with my hand slightly curled in upon itself so I would not accidentally do something inappropriate for our situation. Bless her, I do not think she would have taken it the wrong way if my hand had grazed her backside in any case.

Times like that, I think I should have gotten a medal.